This 2020 year.
One of the many hard things of this 2020 year for me has been that I really thought I was grounded in this Episcopal Liturgical Calendar. I mean, I’ve been eating mindfully around it for YEARS. I did it for a few years before starting this blog in 2015 and going onto social media in 2016. I’ve been telecommuting and making my own schedule since before my eldest was born in 2005. I thought I really, really, had this self-motivated mindful routine thing going.
And in this pandemic and civil unrest…I do not. I am unmoored.
Usually Pentecost is, for me, a time of energy and motivation. Of healthy eating and exercise. Of back to school and learning and growing and enjoying the outdoors.
Instead, this Pentecost has been…comfort eating and losing track of days and time and always being behind at work, at school, at home. Of anxiety and worry. Of taking temperatures and missing family. Of learning about how racist I am, my church is, my country is.
I think when I look back I will see how this time here in this pandemic season will have taught me things. But here, in it, I don’t know. I don’t know.
I think I’ve shared before that I plan my winter holiday season early. I start end of August and do a little bit each day so when it hits, I’m not as overwhelmed. This year, I sank into those familiar planning rituals like relaxing into a bubble bath. Christ is coming, Christ is on his way. Amen amen amen.
Because I have kids, and because I’m in school where from midterms-to-finals I’m busy, and because I follow the Holiday Grand Plan which includes it…my “holiday season” runs from Halloween to Epiphany. Thus, this upcoming Halloween weekend is when I shift from “prep” to “go!”. Even though I know the Liturgical Calendar begins with Advent 1, I have a little “new year” sensation going on.
And I am grateful. I need a fresh start.
I am also grateful this fresh start comes with space for lamenting. For remembering those who have passed, and those who have also gone through hard times and martyrdom.
This year I lost my grandmother, June and my friend (and son’s godmother), Nancy. Both of these women were beautiful and wise and loved God with all their hearts. I am blessed to have had them in my life, and look forward to seeing them again in that time after this time.
This time will end. It was always going to.
Collect for All Saint’s Day (November 1)
Almighty God, you have knit together your elect in one communion and fellowship
in the mystical body of your Son Christ our Lord: Give us grace so to follow your
blessed saints in all virtuous and godly living, that we may come to those ineffable
joys that you have prepared for those who truly love you; through Jesus Christ
our Lord, who with you and the Holy Spirit lives and reigns, one God, in glory
(Book of Common Prayer, p. 245)
Collect for All Faithful Departed (November 2)
O God, the Maker and Redeemer of all believers: Grant to the faithful departed the
unsearchable benefits of the passion of your Son; that on the day of his appearing
they may be manifested as your children; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives
and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, One God, now and for ever. Amen.
(Holy Women, Holy Men, p. 665)